Cat Treats
by Fernsfairie
Summary: Go on a little evening adventure into the world of Hermes the Cat, as he spys on his masters. Snarry, Dramione, mentions mpreg. One-shot, complete.


**This is my first attempt at a slash pairing. I'm not sure how well I did, and there isn't really anything in here offensive. Well, there is a mention of mpreg, or male pregnancy, but really it's just a story that the idea amused me.**

**Title: **Cat Treats  
**Length: **771 words w/o AN  
**Rating: **T, mild language, mentions mpreg.  
**Pairings: **Dramione (mentioned), Snarry

_Cat Treats, by Fernsfairie_

The animals of Hogwarts always know what is going on. We cats can wander the hallways at our leisure, and do as we please. Cats, as you may or may not know, are animals with very good night hearing. We listen into conversations you couldn't dream were happening. Shall I give you a bit of background on our world, hmm?

As a cat of a Slytherin, I'm a very sneaky creature. And as half bobcat, half Siamese, I'm an odd thing to look at as well. However, my mistress loved me, and that is all I care about. I was owned by someone important in this world you know!

It is about three years after the final battle. Harry Potter, that Golden Gryffindor boy, defeated him in a duel in the Great Hall-- he was a cheeky bastard about it too. Let Moldy Voldy kill himself, really. The big surprise, however was him running into Severus Snape's arms and kissing him.

Yes, yes, it certainly was a surprise to find out he was gay. The only other real surprise was Draco Malfoy getting down on one knee to propose to Hermione Granger. She said yes, and the wedding was last month. She's already pregnant, you know-- they call it a "Honeymoon" baby. We cats know it's not, but mum's the word darling!

Now, as you can hopefully tell, we are approaching the quarters of Professor Snape and Harry Potter. Didn't I mention they live together? No? Oh, I'm sorry. Severus and Harry had their official bonding ceremony about a year ago. Come on the Portrait lets me right in every time…

What did I tell you? See, the man redid it in earth tones after they finally moved in together. Let's crawl up the bookcase and see into their little bit of joy here. See, as a cat I can tell a little secret about Mr. Potter there. See his glow? Yes-- he's with child. Just like Hermione was! Isn't it exciting?

What? You didn't know male humans can get pregnant? Of course they can! Two such powerful wizards, I bet this was an accident. There are potions other homosexual couples can use, but I don't think they did.

Look, they are sitting down. Oooh, Harry's turned down his tea! I bet he's figured out caffeine can cause miscarriages.

See, Severus is looking at him funny. He's asked him if he is feeling alright. Harry is a terrible caffeine fiend, you see. Harry is answering… No Sev! Don't! Oh, the poor man has fainted. I think Harry will… Yes, there he goes. He's gotten a cup of caffeine free tea to wait this out. Yes, darling, lets go and have a spot of fun while he wake him up, shall we?

---

Harry Potter watched the two cats climb down from the bookcase with an easy smile. "Why, hullo Hermes. Who's your friend?" he asked. "Have you come down to wake up our dear Sev?"

Hermes purred in agreement. He padded on silent paws over too Sev, the little orange kitten following behind him. Hermes flicked his stubby Manx tail and looked down at the Wizard he was left too after his mistress died. Slowly he bent over Severus' still form and licked his cheek several times. Severus frowned and opened his eyes.

"Argh! You damned cat!" He cried, starting upwards suddenly. He looked around bewildered before looking up at Harry. "Oh, no, Harry, I didn't mean too…" he began stammering before Harry cut him off.

"It's alright Sev. Come over her on the sofa and we'll talk." Harry patted the sofa next to him and set down his tea cup on the coffee table, in it's saucer.

---

"See what I meant?" Hermes meowed delightedly to the kitten next to him as they slipped from the room. "Those two are adorable together!"

The orange kitten, a little female daughter of Crookshanks, purred her agreement fiercely. "Mr. Hermes," she said, "that was a wonderful stealth and history lesson! Those men were so cute cuddled together on the couch like that. I mean, wait until I tell Papa!"

Hermes smiled down at the tiny ball of orange fluff as they set out of the dungeons at a casual walking spend. "What do you say we go look into Minerva's rooms next? I heard she had some knew cat treats to try out." He winked down at the kitten who agreed quickly, and they set off once more to watch and learn.

And also, of course, to try out those cat treats.

**Please leave a comment!**

**~Fern Rose  
**


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